Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Feeling stronger, so glad for my foundations in a Higher Being.
He carries a black three ring notebook for his important papers. He helps residents fight loneliness, he has increased the participation levels in activities with his personal invitations....
...he has actually taught a gentleman with traumatic brain injury to talk and walk again.Lee had been in a coma for many months and when he woke he was isolated in a hospital room for over a year. When he arrived he was barely above a comatose state. Bill began reading to Lee on a daily basis. He shared his music- Pink Floyd, Aerosmith, Beattles... He talked to him, forgetting of course that Lee could not speak back. One day Bill was reading, having Lee follow along. Lee picked up the book and began reading outloud. Within days his verbal skills increased. While there are still many barriers due to his injury, he is communicating again... to the point that he doesn't stop talking, now. **) A couple of days ago a nurse was in his room. He appeared to be trying to stand. "Careful, Lee..." the nurse warned... "you can't walk..." Lee turned, looking directly at the nurse and said, "Wanna bet? Watch me..." and he stood. Bill is and always will be a teacher. His usefulness is not over and the home allows him to shine. He still wants to come home. Hates his hours, he says. Would like to work a normal day like everyone else...still talks about buying a car to drive back and forth- just to work and back, he assures me...
'Today I reflect back on how strong I am. A friend tells me frequently I do not realize my strength. Ok, so I don't know how much credit I can take for it. I ran straight to a coping technique I like to call "Ok, center of my soul, I know you are in there somewhere. Ommmmmm"
Sound. I like sound. I need sound. Singing, humming, chanting. The vibrations are healing. Pushing energy. I am learning to push my negative vibrations out, releasing all my energy to be converted to positive energy. I cleanse my self and then walk that energy out the door, literally, waving my arms in the air and chasing it out all the way. In Michigan it is common for people to smudge. I am using bees wax candles to ease anxiety and depression in the house hold. I felt stronger this time. I knew to ask, to reach, to receive, no matter what form the help comes in.
Jack is cycling but the up and down episodes seem to be fewer and last less time. I remember feeling the extremes in emotion. I remember how painful it is, how it rushes through you like a heat, a wave of moist, painfully heavy and warm weight. It makes me wince, sweat, makes me have to purge it all from my body. When it comes to Jack I ache to be an empath, to take on all his anguish, pain, grief, disappointment. Help is unfolding. Friends have reached out to him, to me, our family. Most people are accepting and supportive to Jack, to me, to Bill, to all of us. Those that are looking off and upset that wrong has been done, I invite you to step in, to help us. Our goal is to keep Bill safe and happy. We try but we get tired and are dealing with our own grief and often we are not enough. Your support is much more well received than your judgment. We do understand this is your grief, also. It still hurts. It's really not ok and I wish you sincerely would visit, reach out to him, be the friends he felt you were. Love him. Let me tell you about the disease, what it has done to him, to us. We are all going to be ok, though, with or without you.
My devotional folded out before me.
I know sometimes you feel like you're never enough.
It's exhausting to feel like you're never perfect enough, thin enough, smart enough, rich enough, successful enough, extraordinary enough...
This kind of scarcity mentality runs rampant in our fear-based world.
But I beg you not to listen to those voices, darling. I'm here to tell you those "never enough" voices come from the Gremlin, not me.
In my eyes, you are enough. Period.
You hold within you a little spark of divinity (moi!) and simply because I live in you, you are worthy.
There is nothing else to prove.
Trust me, baby.
I love you,
Your Inner Pilot Light