Sunday, December 19, 2010


Hanging. That's how it feels. I push myself to work towards changes. I completed my vitae and have applied to teach online for Briarcliffe. That idea offers me some real potential for more time with Bill. I also began my application for Wichita Public Schools. Hanging. I feel a peace, guarded peace but peace. Throw it to the Universe in the words of my friend, Dave Barnes. Here's a toss. Again.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Day of the MRI

We did it. Bill made it through the MRI today. Tough tough for someone who is very clausterphobic, has a big history of being suspicious, and has dememntia on top of that. The first time we tried (over a year ago) he ran out of the hospital. There I am following him in a dead run (I am 50 and not in shape by any means at all; not a pretty sight) going, "hey, hey, Bill, stop, wait honey..." He met me at the car. That was the last time he agreed to be tested, until now.

On the way to the doctors, Bill was talking and grieving about not reaching all his goals and dreams, and was laughing and reliving some old times. He looks at me summarizing his philosophy by announcing that we are loving life and living it. And that's that no matter how the tests come out. We know it's not a tumor, we know we have some time, so Bill wants his Goldwing fixed. Wow. I feel like I have permission to relax emotionally a little while.

Now, the actual process was a hoot. I had explained to Bill's neurologist, Dr. Roth, about the last excursion of the MRI attempt and Bill's sudden ability to leap over tall buildings in a single bound. Dr. Roth generously perscribes three doses of 10 mil valium each. He tells me to give the first on 3 hours before the appt., the next one in an hour or so. If he's still showing signs of anxiety an hour before the appt, give him the thrid dose and they will give him a place to sleep it off. So I give the first dose. His response: I'm driving. Sorry, over my dead body, babe. Someone has to raise Jack and pee the dog. I win. For one hour he of course becomes an expert in back driving. I look at my watch. Time for pill 2. Hallelujah, thank you Lord. About twenty minutes later the talking does slow down. We now limit the conversation only to back driving. We get closer, the addrenalin rises, so down goes the third dose. He not only walks into the appointment,He walks into the MRI room, and totally cooperates. As soon as the test was over, he was definitely stoned out of his gord, but he is in a jolly and ornery, mood. He gave every person in the office a tough time and words of wisdom, did the test. Bill pops out of the tube chatting away. The doctor is stunned Bill is still talking and walking and asks Bill, "Have you ever taken that much valium before, Bill?" Bill response is, "Well, not legally, doc."Doctor's cracking up, nurses are roaring with laughter, the blood tech comes out for him and say, "Come on, sassy frass, I'm done dulling the needle." We go have lunch,he starts flirting with the waitress until I smacked him in the head and reminded him he is an old man and married," he spends an hour recruiting our waitress to go back to College, learn a second language (Spanish), and she's fired up and ready to return when we're done laughing and eating.

So, I set a few goals, wrote down a to list, and am making a promise to add Walnuts, popcorn, and yogurt (like one a day) to help control my blood sugar levels. The promise includes being consistant in my daily exercise regime, thirty minutes a day.I know we face some very difficult periods, but right now, at this very moment, I feel hope today. It feels good.


Sunday, December 12, 2010

This was a big day

To start off with, today was a big day for Jack. He passed the first level of Driver's Ed and he can drive with an adult anywhere in the state of Michigan. We are celebrating.

I haven't written lately. It's been going. I keep thinking the medication will perform some sort of miracle, but I am still seeing Bill slipping. Our wonderful big screen tv died yesterday, so we hooked up the tv we use for Bill's computer monitor (it's big, too). It looks a little different on the HD set, so it's confusing Bill. He can't figure out how to use the remote control, even though we are using the same one we've used for years. Spike's the cat. He's our fourteen year old poodle. It's hard. Jack and Bill are really batting heads. Jack corrects Bill and gets pretty impatient sometimes, and it upsets Bill because Bill is the adult. It's tough. Jack and I have a good relationship and we talk pretty openly. He has an incredible relationship with my mom, too, and she tries to be there for him, too. We're going to make it, but it sure is nice to know we have people out there to give us a hug when we need it.

Yesterday Jack and I attended the Special Olympics Unified Bowling Tournament. Jack and Rusty won first place and James and I placed 4th in our division. We had so much fun with our friends.

Ok, I am a little behind, technologically speaking. Jack has introduced me to Skype, and I love it. I got to talk to Gloria on it this week. It was so cool.

Congratulations once again, Jack, are passing and getting your permit. I am so proud of you.